Roommates

Is she your roommate?

You guys are roommates, right?

Is your roommate seeing anyone?

I’m never going to get used to it. Before, it helped me feel safe. I hated it, but being closeted made me feel safe somehow.

Now I’m not as interested in being closeted, not as interested in feeling safe. I’m much more interested in confronting everyone about everything.

Is it anger that I feel? What if I just desire to be myself unapologetically. Is that so angry? Is that so unreasonable?

What part of my hug is offensive?

Why can’t I rub your back in front of them?

Everyone knows we are together, so why can’t I show affection.

Why won’t you allow this?

Why feel bad, why be sorry, why make it up to me; when you could just be.

I don’t want anything to be made up, I want to love and be loved without special circumstance.

Patting your leg is not homosexual agenda. Being your partner is not a public display of affection.

Being out is not a statement.

Being out is what I am. Being out is how I live. I can’t pass as “not gay”, whatever that is. I can’t pretend like we are roommates. I don’t look like all the other girls. You liked this when we were “just dating”; what’s changed?

Butch is a butch is a butch is a butch. You can’t hide me. I can’t be hidden. If you want my love, my sex; have my hug, have my pats. I want to hold your hand, not as a big display. Its not a big display, it’s a small one. I need the small affirmations, not just the big ones.

All the mind-blowing sex in the world doesn’t matter, if you don’t want the association.

GODDAMNNNNNN

ASSOCIATION THOUGH

stay tuned, huge update to the podcast coming soon.

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