Who Died? Oh Right, I Did.

It’s weird when people know so strongly

When they feel it in their bones.

I would be certain, I would be sure

But been living as this dope lady

for a quarter of a century

Really makes things difficult

When you’re changing your name,

Changing your face, changing your

Identity.

 

I have to kill her off!

It’s the only way that makes sense.

Cut her throat, watch her die

The end of all this lying nonsense.

If I don’t kill her completely,

I will still want to be her.

She is dope, like I said.

A comfort, a friend, a lover

A person I want to support.

I can’t live as both, so I have to kill her

It’s the only way that makes sense.

 

It seems to brutal, so wrong

To murder yourself.

It’s not suicide, if you don’t die!

What is death, is it when a heart

Stops beating?

When lungs

Stop breathing?

Or is it when you change–

So much change that you stop being them

And start being new?

 

Oh god, this decision breaks my soul

In half, thinking about what it might mean

To be you, looking in.

Mind your own business, right?

BRB, killing my old self–

Others are supposed to stand by,

Not put up a fight.

 

I’m really going to kill her, ya’ll

What you’ve been begging for,

All you haters in the daylight

Fat stupid ugly mean bitch is gonna die

And then you’ll have him to handle,

Him to account for.

What is he and do I want to be him?

I don’t know him, who could he be

If we’re going based on the raw materials

Available at the scene

The man will be a jackass, a cunt,

A loner, stone-thrower,

Self-righteous and entitled

He’ll take up too much space and

Not reciprocate. Fall asleep too soon

After copious and quick copulation.

He’ll eat the last bite, and

Change the channel. He’ll work the least

And expect the most praise.

He will be a bastard, a liar

A selfish shallow smelly smartass

He probably won’t have such cute rhymes–

Or they’ll be twice as cute.

He’ll be tighter, smarter, wiser,

Smilier, faster, stronger

He’ll be more than she was

And when he is, she will die

He will be so many wonderful things

He will be me!

But unfortunately, the first thing he will do

When he steps off his high horse and

Enters her room is

Kill her, mercilessly.

She is for whom the bell tolls,

He is ringing it, and

He is she.

 

 

 

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