In My Head

In my head,

Everyone is getting tolerant at the rate that I am

Or similarly

You see, in my head

Things are getting better

People are learning

In my head

Everyone is reading, all the time!

They are insatiable.

Insatiably curious about what’s at stake

Between politics, the climate, and what’s for dinner

In my head

Everyone knows what I’ve been through

And they respect me for it

In my head

Everyone cares about everyone else’s problems

They say, “don’t do that!”

Whew, boy,

Thanks for the help!

In my head,

I want to take care of everyone else.

It’s not that hard to do,

if you take care of yourself

But in my head,

I don’t. I never do.

In my head,

I have to take care of others

More than I have to care for myself

The internet said this was because

I have a narcissist mother,

My therapist agrees.

In my head,

We are all in therapy

Despite how fucking expensive the bullshit is

I can’t believe I’m paying someone

To sit down and be my friend

In my head,

Everyone is my friend!

They are just unaware, for a bit

They’ll get the hang of it

In my head,

Everything is fine

As long as I take the time

To figure it out–

In my head.

I wish that

People would try to figure it out

From my head’s perspective,

We’re all doomed

And y’all are disappointing.

There’s a clock in here,

Tick, tick, ticking…

I’m looking for a crocodile

But in my head,

I’m not a monster

Or an alligator of sorts

I’m a poet, broke and troubled

Emotions are my sport.

In my head,

you could all see this

I look like a poet, at least

In my head

A poet and I didn’t even know it

But

How could I be a poet

Only in my head

And not know it?

I think because my head is on backwards

Life gon’ and broke my spine

Rearranged my mind

Now I’m stuck between

Knowing and being

Trapped, in my head

A man unseen.

In my head,

Everyone already knew

Everything I feel, all the stuff I blew

In my head,

They know all of my failures

And none of my pain

In my head,

They want to hurt me, they’re

Fucking bastards in here

Goddamn! Send help!

A mafia of fear

In my head,

Nowhere is safe

All must be corrected, rejected

Striving and driving and reaching success

You are nothing if not lazy

In my head

We’re all dead

Until proven guilty

Of living a life worth living.

Living and loving and being

A life spent free of concern,

Free of anxiety

Most of us only ever get to dream about

In my head

We are all living a double-life

Between where we are

And where we want to be

Visiting daydreams

Touring memories

Wishing for meaning

Where meaning shouldn’t be.

In my head,

Everything is meaningful

Nothing is scared, but how I feel

Is meaningful.

In my head,

Right by my hopes and dreams

I store my darkest fears

I’m worried there’s a leak in the jars

In my head,

It’s madness in here.

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