Go Back to When I Came From!!

I want to go back to when I was dumber

Back to when I didn’t know what people

Were capable of

When I didn’t know what people

Were really made of

Contempt, disgust, and selfishness.

I would love to go back

But alas, I cannot.

I’ve never been around people

That aren’t trying to change me

That aren’t disgusted by me

That aren’t selfish

Or contemptuous

In their actions.

I want to go back to when I had

Trust in my heart

I want to go back to when I had

Hope

Now I’m just anxious,

All day everyday

Morning noon and night

Depressed

Full of rage

I want to go back

But I’d be dead

I was pouting with my arms crossed

In the cradle

I never said

“I wish I wasn’t born”

When I was a kid

Because that joke is too real

Careful what you wish for, right?

Nobody’s been careful with me

I am not careful any more

It is a waste of time

A waste of effort

I bumble and bustle and burst down all the doors

I am a bit of a bulldyke Kramer

And I’ve never been bored

I told my ex that,

I remember she laughed

Not like, in a nice fun way

But how she always did, with

Contempt in her heart

Hatred in her soul

I wonder why I wasted my most formative years

With someone who treated me like

A filthy cunty asshole ?

I’m gonna stop trying to figure that out

Because I already know

I was trained since birth to be less than a man

To be less intimidating

It doesn’t work, the same way that

You can’t turn someone gay

You can’t make someone

Less intimidating

If they are that way

By nature

All I know is that I’m wrong somehow

By nature

But all I know about nature

Is that it’s natural

My brain is in pain

Has been for months

This pain is unnatural

I don’t think it’s my fault that I’m like this

But I do think it’s your fault

That you’re an asshole


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