Soft, Round, and Surly

The worst thing about being

Fat besides being fat itself

Is that people always


assume you are friendly

And want to help them

However you can

I think maybe they’re like

Well, I hate looking at you

So you gotta make it up to me

Some other way

How about giving me

Half of your self-esteem?

Or taking this massive emotional

Load off of me?

What’s this, now?!

You don’t like this?

You don’t like me?

You don’t want me to

Put my balls on your face?

Go fuck yourself, fatty

Lose some weight

Right, yessir

I’m so glad I found you

To help me realize

How I can best assist

The human race

If I’m not friendly,

Then I must be sexy

Or certainly at least

On my way to bypass surgery

Otherwise I’m just

A big ol’ waste of space

Isn’t that frightening?

To anyone besides me?

How could I be friendly

When the world is trying

To kill me

It’s much, much safer

To be surly

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