One Try

I usually blog about

Current events

Write poems about

Old feelings

Play music with

Timeless melodies

Today, I’ll be honest

I’ll let you in in a more

Genuine way–

Today I’m just nervous.

I have a thing,

Where I have to sit down

And try once

To be inspiring

And if it doesn’t work out

I don’t get to eat or

Live easily

Until the next

Surprise random opportunity

Presents itself to me

Where I then

Go and again

Try to play it perfectly

Just one time

One time for them to see

That I am worthy

Just one try,

One run-through

One performance to represent

A lifetime of progress

And even worse

It’s not even a real performance!!

It’s behind a screen!

Where no one can see me

No one can feel me

No one can lock eyes and

Feel the bass drop beneath their feet

My talent is remarkable,

That is why I persist

That is why I do these things

But unfortunately

All it takes is one try

And they pass you on by

They hear one thing

They don’t like

And they give you the cane–

See your way out.

I should be doing

What I am trying to do

I am qualified to do this

More than most

Alas, this one moment

Predicts too much

And burdens me with competition

Blood-curdling and enemy-forging

The bridges I crossed to get here

Are consumed by a fire

I’m not sure who is responsible

I think it’s my own passion

And my own unwillingness

To live and let live

If I lived and let live–

I wouldn’t be here

As good as I am

I don’t let anything go

It’s like, a perfectionism

Mutated into a disease

Mutated into the most beautiful thing

You’ll ever experience

I am destined for great things but

Alas I am shitting myself

Blinded by the light that I am made of

Weakened by the fire that burns within me

Charred and scarred from the inside out

An imposter raging against my humanity

Two-sided life with a two-sided victory

A cast of the die

A gamblers chance at misery

What am I even doing ?

Fine enough–

One try,

Then we’ll see.

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