Dinner W/ Friend

I had dinner

With a friend

I haven’t seen

In I don’t really

Even know how long.

I overshared

As I do

I vomited words

Everywhere.

He seemed

Alarmed, honestly.

I noticed and I

Told him I

Didn’t care.

I went on

An enormous

Passionate rant

About fatphobia

And how ignorant

And hateful people are.

I looked

Like a red-faced screaming idiot.

Then I told him

About how

I know I’ve really hit

Rock bottom

Because now I’m

A poet.

He said

That he didn’t know

I had been

Obese as a kid, and had

Never thought about

Most of what I had said.

He also said

The most maddening thing

People say,

“You’re not that fat”

–ain’t no such thing

I immediately felt

Insane and

Invalidated–

But then I just

Felt jealous

Of being someone

Untouched by this.

He went on

To talk to me

Like a regular human.

Something I was

Unable to be

For him.

It was fun, but I

Still felt sick, still

Felt that something

Was wrong.

I’m sure it’s just

My anxiety.

I hope that someday

I can have dinner

With someone

Without getting

So anxious, I

Vomit.

I hope that someday

I can have dinner

With someone

And not defend

My self-respect.

I hope that someday

I can have dinner

With a friend, who

I can trust

Understands, me.

Until then I’ll just

Keep screaming and

Keep being red,

Heading home

Early to be

Lonesome.

He is a lovely fellow,

I guess.


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