I have been on a

Quest to understand

Why I am so unbearably


It robs my partner of

Basic decencies and

Myself of my full


I want to think

That the world is

Just, but I don’t see it

From where I am.

I don’t like

To make excuses but

I also don’t like

To pretend.

I was hoping

That being trans

Would help me


It has, it is–

But what I’m learning

Confirms my

Deepest fears.

The world has not been

Fair to little

Becky, she deserved


I wonder if I will

Have the power, soon

To make a difference

For her.

I wonder if it’s

Too late for me,

Maybe she has

Died in vain?

I wonder if

She would’ve

Just died


This way, I can

Pretend as if

She was an old

Friend of mine–

But as I said


I don’t like to


I wonder if

I’ll ever know

The person I am


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