The Way I Played “The Sims” as a Kid Was VERY TELLING





I’ve been reflecting

On my childhood

and I’m like

Fuckin’ whoooooooof!

I played the sims

Like a goddamn

Maniac would.

I literally reenacted

“Sister wives”–but–

By myself in my room

For like

8-12 hours a day

Mostly “undisturbed”

In the summer of course

I would play as

A man, of course

and I would do this exact

Format for everything

Are you ready?


I am a bit obsessed

With routine

I am very obsessed with

Completion as well.

I applied these two things

These two

Personality traits

Apparent from my birth

to this game as a

Nine year old they/them.

In my humble opinion

This is the

Most efficient and

Most effective and

Most enjoyable way to play

Sims Original/Sims Classic/Sims One

Are you ready?


I would max out all of my

Skills, one by one.

I always started with

Charisma, it is

The most unbelievably

Useful skill in

Sims Classic/Sims 1.

Charisma makes it so that

Everyone fucking loves you

For no reason.

Because of this, I would

Very quickly

Complete my career


As you can imagine, this gave me

great satisfaction

Virtually, I mean

My nips were absolutely

Never, ever tingling.

I would usually

Make it so that I had

So much money

And worked

So few hours

I could then go and

Impregnate the whole town.

I would develop relationships

With every lady in the whole

Virtual village

The whole virtual sims town

Work them up until we were

Marriageable, but

Never ever sign it

Have babies, and support

Each and every single kid

As my new job, my new


Because my little sim daddy

Has so much money

And so much success

He doesn’t have any baggage

He doesn’t have any problems

He is the most incredible

Most available

Most loving, caring, encouraging dad

He never gave a single one of his

Kids any of his Sims baggage

He is SUPER dad

Also all of his wives

Fucking loved him.

They were constantly

Trying to kill

Each other, and

Drowning themselves

On ladders, but like–

They loved him!

So what does it matter

Ahhhhhh yes,

Little 8 year old Becky

Sure was a problem.

Now I’m a “poet”

I’m not sure its better

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