Spineless

I broke my back

In a powerlifting tournament

Squatting 275lbs

It popped on the way up

I did a second rep

With the disc blown

I thought I just

Pinched a nerve and I

Wanted to prove a point

So I kept lifting

My ex left me anyway–later

She wasn’t impressed I guess

Injury shit is hard to deal with I guess

I wouldn’t know 🤣

When we finished the meet

She told me to sleep on it

She didn’t want to

Stay in Ohio with my parents

She wanted to

Get back to school quickly

So she could train clients

We drove back up to Chicago

And I told her I couldn’t walk

Or feel my leg

She responded by saying

We just wouldn’t stop to pee

For the whole 6 hour drive

Fine enough, I thought

When we arrived

She dropped me off

At the emergency room

And drove away

Before I even had a wall to lean on

A guy at the ER

Brought me a wheelchair

I didn’t see her again

For more than two weeks

When she came in from clubbing

In the middle of the night

While I was taking my

Nerve medicine

To keep me from

Fucking my spine up more when I

Writhe in pain

She then proceeded

To fat shame everything

I had eaten that day

Which was

Two eggs and some squash

I just felt

At home, again!

Finally, back from surgery

We can get into our

Lifting routine

She then

Sold all of our furniture

To some guy I found out

Years later

She was blowing

I now slept

On the bare floor

With a two-week old back surgery

To recover from

Unable to walk

Unable to run

Unable to articulate anything enough

For my mom to even know

To help me

I just laid there

On the floor

For a few months

Until my back started to curve

And my neck started to hurt

Then I went

Back to the gym

Because you know

I had to

Develop some spine

I had lost it, I think

I know I had surgery but

She took it from me

Two weeks later

A month of recovery

She told me she was leaving me

And that she loved me

I wondered if she knew

What love even was

She never showed me love

I didn’t know either

All I knew was

My back fucking hurt

And no one cared

Who gives a shit

When a spineless idiot

Who let the world use them

As a carpet

Breaks down to a weakened version

Of the shell they were?

How weak

Can weakness get?

You can’t become spineless

If you’re already a jellyfish

Oddly enough

Since all of this

I haven’t let a single person in.

Well, except for

The one who made

Her own key, and let

Herself in. She has been

Helping me out the pieces

Back in.

Turns out

My kit was missing essential hardware

My parents hid some shit

I’ve since

Reordered parts

Remodeled

And now

I’m moving in!

There’s foundation in this one

Also

I’m not as dumb

As I used to be.

I also know that

I’m worth more than

Nothing, and

Nothing is better than

Shitty.

Now

My spine is on the outside

Hard exoskeleton

Like the shrimp I am

Nobody is ever

Getting in again


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