Being Followed

I’ve been thinking about suicide a lot lately

Much more than I’d like to admit

Much more than I’d like to pretend is normal

But to be honest

I don’t know what normal is

I don’t really understand

What the protocol is

For taking about something

That’s on your mind

That you can’t ever talk about

Without people being extremely concerned

How am I supposed to talk

About something that

People are too scared to talk about?

Is the mere thought

The mere concept

So abhorrent

That I can’t even mention it

Without being told

To silence my urge

Silence my thoughts

Redirect my energy and

Change my headspace

As if I

Somehow am choosing

Not to do these things

I just want to understand

Why I can’t even

Express the thought

Without dire consequence

I don’t have plans

I don’t want to do it

I’m just

Being followed

By this creepy guy in a

Black dress who keeps trying to

Convince me to cut my own head off

Nothing out of the ordinary

Just trying to level with you

Death stares at me

Through my own pupils

I don’t look for him

And I don’t want to

He shows up uninvited

And makes me feel unworthy

He whispers all the

Horrible things

People actually say

Which is worse because

They fucking said them

To my face

So like

Death whispering them to me

Is pretty persuasive

Anyway

How the fuck

Do you get this guy off your shit?

I fucking hate him

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