Sinking Feeling/In Religion

My life is

Kind of a mess

To be honest

I think I might be

In a bad spot

I have this feeling

This sinking feeling

In the pit of my stomach

That everything is wrong

I’m having

Sinking thoughts

About just about everything

I’ve been sinking about

Trans stuff, whether I’m

Doing the right thing

I’ve been sinking about

My career, my future and my

Goals for all of this living

I’ve been sinking about

My health and whether or not

Anyone is going to help me

Besides myself

Which I know is a no

But I just frankly

Need help with my goddamn fucking

Cushing’s disease.

It won’t go away on its own.

Most of all

I have this sinking feeling

That nobody here knows me at all

Everyone I’ve talked to

Talks to someone else

When they respond

Or at least

That’s how it seems to me

I don’t know

Who they’re talking to

But it just sincerely

Can’t be me

I want to be certain

That I don’t squander

Any of this life I’ve spent

Suffering

I assume I have

Only a few good seasons

Left in me

I must try to enjoy myself

But alas

I can’t

I’m not

And I don’t understand

I sink all day and night

Deeper and deeper

I think to myself

I can’t get any lower

And then my ankles break

And my depths deepen

I wonder if

Any of this suffering

Is actually worth it

Or if it’s all just

Lies they tell us

In religion

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