Have You Lost Weight?

I’m losing weight and

It’s giving me

Tremendous anxiety.

The only thing

I’ve changed about my

Healthy, balanced, moderate diet and

Active, ambitious lifestyle

Is the testosterone !!

I’ve been shooting into my ass !!!

I’ve lost about 10 pounds even though

My Cushing’s syndrome makes

Weight loss impossible.

They said, they being —

My female identifying endocrinologist

At the Cleveland clinic–

That testosterone

Counteracts cortisol

And it will probably help

With my Cushing’s syndrome

This is the main

Motivation for my transition

Honestly.

I am non-binary

I kinda liked being a lady?

I really, really fucking hate

Having Cushing’s

It has ruined my body

My mind and my relationship

With any and all community

The testosterone

Is actually helping

And for some reason

Now I have to whisper

Because my anxiety

Is telling me

To kill all of you

In a murderous rage

Because soon

I might be deemed

“Acceptable to see

Publicly”

Which is going to make me

Want to fucking

Rampage

I don’t deserve Cushing’s

But I also don’t think it’s fair

That I’m leaving this perspective

In a very dramatic and incredibly

Genderqueer fashion

I just

Personally

Think it’s disgusting

That I had to change my gender

In order for doctors

To take me seriously

And now I’m going to be

Stuck as a trans man

Being treated as a

Cash-cow thing

Some of These surgeons are

Downright disconcerting

Also

Inevitably

People are going to start

Asking me

Or even potentially

CONGRATULATING ME

ONLY BECAUSE I

LOOK THINNER

THEY AREN’T EVEN GONNA

GIVE A SHIT

ABOUT MY GODDAMN GENDER

ALL ANYONE IS

EVER GOING TO TALK ABOUT

FOR THE REST OF MY

FUCKING LIFE

IS MY FUCKING WEIGHT

FROM WHEN I WAS BORN

UNTIL I DIE

“OH WOW

YOU LOOK GREAT —

HAVE YOU LOST WEIGHT?!”


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