Homicidal

I was about to write a poem

Saying that I was born

With the anger and the sadness

And born with an

Inability to forgive

But, that’s just not true–

You can see it in the pictures

That the doctors used

To diagnose me with Cushing’s properly

Only about 24 years late

You can see it in my eyes, right when

I realized that hope was a mirage

You can see it in my parents eyes,

Feeling shame and guilt and worry

About their living embarrassment

You can see it in my sisters eyes

In photos where she

Literally scowls at me, literally

Hits me or distances herself from me

You see her arms crossed in every pic

From age four

To age twenty six

Her disdain is palpable

The hatred she felt for me

As a four year old covered in

Stretch marks and weighing in at

250

Was so strong and so burning

She couldn’t even pretend

For a split second photo

I am unsure

How anyone expects me

To be anything but

Homicidal


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