Batman Shower Curtain

Also one time some

Friends of mine came over and we had

Cigars and whiskey and I had lots more

Weed and everyone was talking and laughing and

Enjoying the crips November air

One of my friends got

Ridiculously drunk? I don’t understand–

We only had two whiskeys each, and he was

On the floor. I think he might’ve been

Drunk already, or something. Anyway he then

Got really sick and was basically just like

Not really there or with us at all he was so fucking drunk

I don’t understand! Two whiskeys in a Six foot man!

Why is he so fucking piss drunk!?!?

Why am I holding back his hair?

He threw up in my bathroom and he

Picked himself up with my shower curtain, which was

The batman signal. Was a gift, mind you

Very fucking cool shower curtain–does it matter? Decide for yourself, I guess

Anyway he was so drunk he barfed everywhere and then

Destroyed my shower curtain and then

He passed out on my couch

But he wasn’t breathing?!

Again, this guy had two whiskeys under my supervision

Nobody spiked anything we were just playing

Euphoniums and talking about women

It was all totally fucking fine

Until mr. pregame turned blue

So I called the ambulance

Who was furious with me

They told he me was just drunk and they

Berated me for calling them, and then they

Held his nose for two seconds and he

Immediately woke up

Now I know to do that, I guess.

My friend was so angry with me

For calling the ambulance

It cost him $2000, even with his

Dad’s insurance. We haven’t talked since.

In my defense, he was blue

Not breathing, and not responding for

Over an hour.

Making friends in America is

Hard when everything ends up being

So circumstantial


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