One time in

High school I got

Dragged off by the

School nurse

Me and a few other

Grotesque idiot fatties

Needed a proper talking to

About diet and nutrition, naturally–

So they took us aside

And told us stuff I had

Already heard from other doctors

And the nutritionist I paid

To see after school

But I was clearly ignorant because of

The fat on my chin

a huge indicator of idiocy

So we learned


But this other kid, one of them

In the group

Had never had a proper

“Intervention” before

And was so, so very excited

To learn that


Has no calories

And after that day

I saw him in the cafeteria

Eating piles of lettuce with

Salt piled on top

Salt and salt and salt

Shaken liberally everywhere with


I wondered when his

Chest would seize

And his heart would burst

But then I realized

That’s what they all think

About me

All the time

And my resting heart beat is

65, so…

I think I’m fine

I dunno about that guy

The nutritionists care more about your

Waist size than they do

Your blood pressure

They will insist that

Being smaller will make you

Healthier but they fail to

Care when they eat their weight

In salt, instead

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