Wishes and Hopes

I feel like

Hating you

Has to be bad

For my brain chemistry

I feel like

Potentially

I’m making my depression worse

By remembering the things you did

And the things you proudly said

And all the little

“Considerations” you made

Oprah and the bible and common

Pussy bitch logic insinuates I should

Forgive and forget

Maybe then I won’t have such a

Black eye in my brain

But I can’t forgive you

Without hating myself

Even more than I already do

To forgive you would be to

Fuck my pride beyond recognition

So I can’t do that I mean

The brain damage, you know!

And I can’t forget you

Because you are burned in

With shame and disgust and betrayal

Hard to get a stain like that out

So instead I guess

I have to write poems

About how I can’t forgive

And can’t forget

And how I really truly

Just wish you were dead


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