Masculinity Is Fragile
I think maybe
The weirdest thing about being a
Butch lesbian is how unbearably
Misogynist some gay men are. I mean—
I would never have spent
Any time with them at all
Were it not for the
“Gay community” inviting me to things like
Charity balls, rocky horror screenings, and general
Friendship and bars and jokes I’ve told.
Over the years I have attempted
Many friendships with queer men and
The overwhelming majority of them
Say something downright misogynist
As if it is fact, and when confronted
They act like you are some idiot woman
Who can’t handle the hard truth about
Her inferiority, and honestly
None of it upsets me, because
They are talking
Directly to themselves
and no one else.
I’m not saying that they all are misogynist
Some of them are woke AF
But based on what I understand
About my own experiences becoming a man
It seems that
Masculinity is fragile.
My own is especially!
My masculinity is injected
Once every ten days, and
It’s barely enough to make a little bit of
Peach fuzz, I mean—
My masculinity is so fragile
It quite literally sits in a 1ml glass jar
And gets extracted with needles.
I can’t even imagine
Being born with such
Trivial amount of difference
Between my manhood and
That bitch over there, and I see now
Why so many gay men
Would rather hide it and insist that they are
Seeking “Man for man”, avoiding all hints of femme
Running from the femininity that we are all rationed
It doesn’t matter if you start masculinizing late or from the beginning
The difference between men and women
Is so minuscule, I think men find it
Threatening. They have to distance themselves constantly.
If you are attracted to other men then I suppose
In a way you are attracted to distance,
Distance from femininity
Some achieve this easily, and
Others achieve it by pushing.
I love the woman I used to be, so for me
None of it is a struggle
I love women, I love her, and
I am him, so I am.
Don’t need much else. But I guess
Some of these men don’t know that
Women are humans, a small dosage away
From men if they so choose, a distance
Traversable by most, and a journey
We all take everyday, regardless of the identity we chose.