Masculinity Is Fragile

I think maybe

The weirdest thing about being a

Butch lesbian is how unbearably

Misogynist some gay men are. I mean—

I would never have spent

Any time with them at all

Were it not for the

“Gay community” inviting me to things like

Charity balls, rocky horror screenings, and general

Friendship and bars and jokes I’ve told.

Over the years I have attempted

Many friendships with queer men and

The overwhelming majority of them

Say something downright misogynist

As if it is fact, and when confronted

They act like you are some idiot woman

Who can’t handle the hard truth about

Her inferiority, and honestly

None of it upsets me, because

They are talking

Directly to themselves

and no one else.

I’m not saying that they all are misogynist

Some of them are woke AF

But based on what I understand

About my own experiences becoming a man

It seems that

Masculinity is fragile.

My own is especially!

My masculinity is injected

Once every ten days, and

It’s barely enough to make a little bit of

Peach fuzz, I mean—

My masculinity is so fragile

It quite literally sits in a 1ml glass jar

And gets extracted with needles.

I can’t even imagine

Being born with such

Trivial amount of difference

Between my manhood and

That bitch over there, and I see now

Why so many gay men

Would rather hide it and insist that they are

Seeking “Man for man”, avoiding all hints of femme

Running from the femininity that we are all rationed

It doesn’t matter if you start masculinizing late or from the beginning

The difference between men and women

Is so minuscule, I think men find it

Threatening. They have to distance themselves constantly.

If you are attracted to other men then I suppose

In a way you are attracted to distance,

Distance from femininity

Some achieve this easily, and

Others achieve it by pushing.

I love the woman I used to be, so for me

None of it is a struggle

I love women, I love her, and

I am him, so I am.

Don’t need much else. But I guess

Some of these men don’t know that

Women are humans, a small dosage away

From men if they so choose, a distance

Traversable by most, and a journey

We all take everyday, regardless of the identity we chose.

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